9:23 PM : Day Before

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Live Strong
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It is around 9:23 pm 5/7/05, day before mothers day. I am already starting to get all stressed, panicked and overly distraught. I cant seem to hold my emotion in much longer. Tomorrow is going to be a very very rough day.

I can only hope I either stay busy enough to ignore the day or I just end not feeling the way I feel now. This day will never be the same way it was when mom was alive. She can never be replaced.

Why do I even think about tomorrow? Actually scratch that. I don't think about the day I just feel awful inside knowing the day is near but my emotions are coming from a subconscious level that I cant explain. Once I arrived home from paintball I was brought back to my reality. I sat in my mothers room for about 20 minutes reflecting, trying to stay positive. Seems that didn't work.

I think tomorrow I will go to the grave. I think I need to. Its something that I can no longer skirt around.

Tomorrow, don't call me, don't IM me , don't contact me in anyway unless its a true emergency. You play with fire you will get burned, and I am the fire tomorrow. I will do what I have to do tomorrow and then once that is done, bury myself under the sheets of my bed for the rest of the day.