Gravedigger

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Live Strong
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Three years ago today my mother suffered a stroke and died Novemeber 5th 2002. I never knew how much I loved her until she was gone. The time I spent with her and the bond we formed was amazing. I cant begin to describe the person my mother was with out leaving things out. But she was a fighter, having cheated death once before with her illness. God gave her back to me for eight years after that. Granted they werent the best eight years of her life, but near her death she was really living a good life.

Days before she died I remember her standing behind the storm door waiting for me to walk from the bus stop to the house. I remember waving to her as I got the mail and just being glad that she was awake instead of sleeping and sick. I was never embaressed of being in public with my mother, no matter how poorly she walked or how ever ill she felt ( and looked ) . I was right there for her. Never was there a time I didnt support and encourage her to keep going through the troubles of diabetes and its MANY complications. You see it had been a 25 year struggle with diabetes and the body begins to fail in some places. While being on dialysis she had hope of someday getting a new kidney. Ofcourse I am guilty of becoming overly frustrated with her once in a while. It was just the relentless day to day things that at times got to me and for that I would snap once in a while. I look back and think that I had no right to be angry at mom nor no way of knowing how ill she actually was.

I recall my grandparents saying " Well I guess we really didnt know how sick she was." I remember saying " Nor did she." Where is the damn justification for her death? She was 43 ! Come on people, why why why did that have to happen? Why did a million things after have to happen? Well , maybe it put mom out of further suffereing and deteriation.

Well I am sure a million things have happend to each and everyone reading this, but damn it. I just am not getting through this as easy as I hoped, likely because I am far from home.