Wanting

I so badly want to be 5 years ahead in my life. I want to visit my grandparents, not live with them, looking 5 years ahead. I get so frustrated with the day to day with them. I love them, it’s just so incredibly time consuming with them. Nothing will ever change this. I want to have my own place whether it a house or apartment with a nice job. I want to be older in general, I don’t exactly enjoy this age so much. I am thinking that maybe if I fall asleep I will wake up 5 years ahead in time. Yes I know it’s not going to happen, but something has got to give. I keep saying to myself, college its going to be great to be at college on my own!!! I can taste the freedom.

I realize now that certain things in my life are not what they were. Certain issues need to be put to rest before I go off to college and certain tasks need to get done. I have a lot to do. Certain people need to be contacted and others need to fall off the face of this earth, if I have to help that process I would.

Before I leave to College I have to what I call "Old Proof" my house and grandparents .I have to get new cell phones for them, install a new security system in the house, find a landscaper for them since I will be gone, some financial things, help them look for a new house (a 2nd house) in Westbrook CT area and look over that house. I have to go through the 3 large attics while I am here and sort through that stuff out. There is more, I just can’t think of the rest now.

I am working on the book, its constantly being changed and revised. I have typed only 20 pages, 1 Chapter. Projected the book will be done by April of 2005.

Silverman’s tomorrow, traffic from 10-3. No Church. Ohwell. Looks like I cant make it to church until Oct.31st.