Reflection

Reflection , it’s a funny thing. Something that you do looking back. I’ve done a lot of reflection today as I will tomorrow. There are many different things that have come up today that cause reflection. There also is a important day tomorrow that requires it. First , as I sit thinking about certain people , specific words come to mind : Why? How? When?. I can not answer these questions. All I can do is go on. Its clear that what was said and done is just fact. That’s ok. Is it me? I don’t know. The person is probably right in what they said. Destroying something is worse then the quick benefits.

( I am being vauge. I know. The need to vent never the less is still there. )

Another reason for reflection is tomorrow. Tomorrow would be my mothers 45th Birthday. 45 , seems so much older then I knew her. She was just barely 43 when she passed, 16 days after her Birthday. How strange it is to sit here talking about a day I cared so much about yet my own Mother , her birthday she didn’t care about. I think it was probably just another # , maybe it was more to her. My Mother , she was never one for parties. She never really thought much of celebration , unless it was for me. I think how in the later years , how unselfish she was to me. She never cared for herself as much as she did for my life and wellbeing.. I never realized it. I never saw that until it was too late. In the last few weeks of her life, as I would come home walking down my street from the bus, she would be at the front door waiting for me. I know what you are thinking, I am not in 2nd grade. Mom waiting for you at the bus stop?? But to me it was special. It was something that took strength to do and something she rarely did before. Her doing this was almost a stroke of luck , because she only did it at the end. It was the end none of us, not even her saw. As we all age, as years go by , we change. Hoping its for the better. I often think about the future as many of my readers would know. Its become clear to me that if I were to continue living in the future I am never going to appreciate the present. I will never enjoy the moment that’s going on now. Ofcourse I counter that saying , there is nothing to enjoy. That’s negative Matt talking.  .

So as October 21, 2004 passes by us, I remember my mother. When I pray each night , its not for my selfish requests or anything like that , its for my mother. I hope every night she is in a better place and no longer ill.

Everyday is a new day. It’s another day to grab hold of and have the potential for a a great day.