Countdown

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I am writing the blog entrty from South station Boston MA , waiting for my Amtrak train to arrive. I missed my 1:40 train because the T (for those of you who don’t’ know Boston, that’s the subway system) was under construction and thus running very late. How unfortunate for me because I now sit here, waiting 4 extra hours. The time that my new train leaves is the time my old train would have been getting in to Bport.

I am looking forward to go home. The safety and security of it all at times overwhelms me. However, my intention is not to get soft on you all, its just nice to be home. This will be my third trip home since August 26th of this year. Many students at my college do go home each and every weekend. Mount Ida is known as a “suitcase” school in which the weekends are dead, and not many people stick around. As much as I do love home, I can’t be there every weekend. It’s the independence of being at college that is fulfilling my needs as a teenager/adult. The times I spend at home however I do find to be much more valuable and meaningful.

The next time I will be going home is for thanksgiving, November 22ND, skipping classes Tuesday and Wednesday in order to get home easier avoiding what is the busiest travel day of the year, the 23rd (day before thanksgiving). Ofcouse my time at home will still only be till that Sunday, just long enough to meet up with everyone. I am looking forward to Christmas break, a solid month of time off.

For those of you who know me from High School, you know that Christmas time and I are inseparable. Decorations, time care and effort will be put into place starting the day after Thanksgiving. Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas!!!! Love it so!

(31 days till I decorate the house inside and out and Christmas time is in full swing!)

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Side note typed at 12:46am after being home for 2 hours: Train was late, and then the engine died in RI, making us switch to another train. The train had lost power so we were reduced to the glow sticks the conductors were handing out. Wow, lost in Northern RI, good times!

Gravedigger

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Three years ago today my mother suffered a stroke and died Novemeber 5th 2002. I never knew how much I loved her until she was gone. The time I spent with her and the bond we formed was amazing. I cant begin to describe the person my mother was with out leaving things out. But she was a fighter, having cheated death once before with her illness. God gave her back to me for eight years after that. Granted they werent the best eight years of her life, but near her death she was really living a good life.

Days before she died I remember her standing behind the storm door waiting for me to walk from the bus stop to the house. I remember waving to her as I got the mail and just being glad that she was awake instead of sleeping and sick. I was never embaressed of being in public with my mother, no matter how poorly she walked or how ever ill she felt ( and looked ) . I was right there for her. Never was there a time I didnt support and encourage her to keep going through the troubles of diabetes and its MANY complications. You see it had been a 25 year struggle with diabetes and the body begins to fail in some places. While being on dialysis she had hope of someday getting a new kidney. Ofcourse I am guilty of becoming overly frustrated with her once in a while. It was just the relentless day to day things that at times got to me and for that I would snap once in a while. I look back and think that I had no right to be angry at mom nor no way of knowing how ill she actually was.

I recall my grandparents saying " Well I guess we really didnt know how sick she was." I remember saying " Nor did she." Where is the damn justification for her death? She was 43 ! Come on people, why why why did that have to happen? Why did a million things after have to happen? Well , maybe it put mom out of further suffereing and deteriation.

Well I am sure a million things have happend to each and everyone reading this, but damn it. I just am not getting through this as easy as I hoped, likely because I am far from home.

Thoughts ...

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Random thoughts spinning in my head in no real order


I wonder if the room is ever going to get clean

If I keep my window will the room get super cold like the other night ?

Should I talk to that blonde outside in the hall way ?

Does that fire alarm really work, should I test it? haha

Damn my ipod needs charging

Ok ,,, so I am on call for a bit longer, what are the odds they need me ?

Wow that pint of cookie dough ice cream is really too much, especially 5 times a week

I need to get some kind cold weather jacket up here ASAP

When am I going home next?

I really need to study for my CJ mid term tomorrow

Will these kids stop screaming in the hall so I can write this pointless blog entry !!! :)

Why Ida?

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Note : Pictures and video of me being OC'd will be on " Did I Mention" in a few days.

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I have noticed a question often muttered here on campus, why Ida? What an great question. Lately, many freshmen here have started to question what $31,000 of their parents often hard-earned money is going towards. Suddenly I find myself asking the same question. In some way's I feel that this campus how ever " talked up" in brochures is mediocre at best. From lack of activities to food that is in some places below many normal taste standards nothing seems worth the amount of money. Not to mention academically, aside from a few exceptions. Really what am I getting that I cant get at NCC ? (REPRESENT JAMES!) .

One thing I do enjoy is being away from home; most people would agree that being on our own is a great experience.

Generally speaking with little doubt, I am not the only college student thinking this about the college experience. If your college bathrooms are below par and the dorms are decent at best, feel free to comment. If your college in everyway possible kicks ass feel free to comment as well.

However I think it may be time to start an application process for the end of the year and make 2006 the year of the "big move". I had originally figured on staying here two years, but I am not so sure that is going to work out. Australia seems to be the way to go. For those of you who know me, you have heard me speak of AUS for some time college wise and I do see it being plausible for as early as 2006.

I encourage people to comment on this entry. It’s nice to see what people are experiencing and so on. Thank you in advance for any time you put into a comment and for reading.

Motha Fuckah

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Ok ... the good news is that I am certified to carry a Baton and OC. How ever exciting it is to be able to carry that, I am still 5 hours after being sprayed still burning around my skin. Though its normal to still be in pain at this point, I did re-activate it in the shower. So Motha Fuckah ! ( inside joke here @ Ida Safety ).

I must say I would rather be shot then be sprayed by OC. This stuff , crippled many men out there today. I was shocked how bad it was. I never ever ever ever want to go through it again. Hopefully, Ideally I will be all better in 24 hours.

The baton class was excellent. So watch out everyone , I can actually kick ass with a baton and with out through the self defense class that was separate.


I will have pictures up and video as well with in the next week.

:(

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Terrible evening

Smoke Signals

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There are days when I envy Native Americans. For they had what were called, smoke signals. How ever poor my history is, I know for a fact when they wanted something to be known it was as direct as they knew how. Often I find myself questioning what is I do that creates such problems between others and myself. It’s not any one person but rather groups of people.

Tell me that you have experienced a miss communication with someone before where it became so awkward that you did everything you could to ignore that person or people. I do wonder how many mistakes I’ve made, and if I were to do a "Ross”, analyze it all from A-Z.

This situation will not alter my day or change how I act. I will only be myself. There is nothing simpler or more real then that. If I stop being myself then I am not being consistent. If something was taken incorrectly that’s really not my fault.

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Speaking of signals, there has to be something that’s going to lead me in the right direction career wise. I am finding myself torn. Yes that is right, to all those that figured me to be 110% Law Enforcement I am now considering a role in politics. No matter how small a capacity it would be to start, naturally you build yourself up from the bottom. Though my plans and major will put me in a law enforcement career, I am not right now settling on that entirely. There is just a small notion or voice telling me to enter politics. I would certainly have to think about the pro's and cons, but for now keep picturing me with a badge and sidearm working for federal agency.

Only time will tell where my career goes and how my social life ends up. The path of school in Australia and law enforcement is sticking for now, and that’s my bottom line.

Expect an update by Sunday, as I will undergo an intensive training with public safety on Saturday. Anyone care to take bets on how long the effects of OC ( like mace but stronger ) will last on me? :)

Reality

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with some friends from High School at my neighbor’s house. Good times all around. I really miss the dynamic, how ever weird at times we had. I miss so many things about being home.

I feel torn between two places. My friends here are hopefully going to always remain. My friends at college are just forming and I am mentally confused as to where I lay my loyalty down and where I am going to establish myself. In college I am all alone, no connections or friends from home. At home I have my old connections, people I have known for years.

College has been a true test of stigmas. At home many or rather some people continue to keep a certain mindset of others, where at college everyone is forming there thoughts of others still, allowing for people to be whom they want and do what they want. I can honestly say I have made friends with people at college I can see staying in touch with for ever, specifically some would be girlfriend material.

There is no real way to describe the feeling of being at this party tonight. Sure it was great fun and nice to see people, but I realize that with in 15 hours I will be on a train back to Boston. I will once again be far from everything I know, everything that is "safe". In time how ever I hope that feeling dwindles and that both places can be "safe" and my "home". Perhaps these two very different worlds can co exist easier in time.

Down the road ... I will feel more comfortable and more established at college. As easy a transition it’s been, tonight only reminds me of what I am leaving behind.

To the crew at home ... hopefully years down the road we remain as solid as we are now. To the crew at Ida ... hopefully our bonds grow stronger and create memories that will echo in years to come.