Paintball

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Great time paintballing today. Perhaps next time I will have my own marker. My grandmother even said that we can play at my house. I noticed I have 2.3 acres of woods on my property,plus my next door neighbors house which we rent for the summer so... another 5 acres , just need to put bunkers etc. Seriously guys, its a good area to play. There is even a swamp section and stonewall. I also have a bunch of plywood here already and I will be willing to go and buy more.

Could have ...

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I was going to write an entry on how my friend has left the explorers and talk all about that. My statement to him is this : Good luck you and your adventures with EMS." that's all that needs to be said.

Ofcourse this resignation could initiate a chain reaction with in the post causing a rather large uproar and chaos depending on what other members decide to do etc. Hopefully that can be avoided.

Other then that, life is looking very good. Graduation can not come soon enough.

Paintball Marker...

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Recently I have done some thinking about purchasing a paintball "marker". Because cash is not always readily available, I realized spending roughly 200.00 on a marker set, I should really apply some thought into the purchase. If I go out and buy one, how many times will I use it this summer? Are we really playing that often? The other issue would be my grandparents wouldn't like it because I would be "wasting my money".

At this point I do not have the extra funds to purchase a paintball "marker". Though with in a month, I plan to have some extra cash. So I suppose I have time to decide what I am going to do, its just there are many factors in which my decision will be based.

On a side note or two, for no real particular reason I had an excellent day. Nothing bad happened. It’s perhaps a first, in a string of several rough few days. Its nice to be talking to certain people whom I haven't spoken with in a few weeks or months (for various reasons). So all and all, things are good.

I am going to cousin’s soccer game tomorrow morning then its out to lunch with my aunt. Sunday, it’s off to church then mow the lawn. I also need to find a job.

Summer, though not far away, needs to come quicker. Like many, I want to be done with school. The question is, will I be satisfied and busy enough through out my summer to make the time off worth having? I think I will stay busy enough, with a trip or two. Let’s not forget the possibility of owning my very own paintball "marker" and getting to use that this summer.

Memoirs

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I have decided to instead of releasing one large PDF file of my memoirs, I will release them chronologically on my blog perhaps once a week. Likely by next week, I will begin releasing them.

Knowing many people read my blog have never met me, there will be a clear explanation of everything I mention. Know me or not, it will make sense. :)

The memoirs will hold nothing back, pure raw emotion and thoughts. No BS, no dodging an issue. Straight forward.

Work in Progress

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I am beginning to write what will be a very long blog entry which will include my observations, comments, mistakes and success through out my 4 years in Barlow. It will be my final entry on the people of Barlow and the school itself. This will be a way to not only express how I feel, but also move on to the next stage of my life ; college.

So expect a very long entry likely around June 24th. It is like the finale of a t.v show, everything gets explained, discussed and solved in the last entry.

Side note :
I plan to continue my blog into college.

Clouds

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As I sit and look at those clouds on my blog, I cant help but think and ponder. While looking at them I see endless possibilities, my future, what could be. It's as if there is this just magical ability to create what I want, be who I want and connect with things.

( Yea I know you wish you could have the last 15 seconds back of your life after reading that. ) Sorry.

Prom ... in the same boat

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It appears I am in the same boat as the Niz for prom. To me the prom represents a good time with friends and a girlfriend. Never the less, I wont be having that "good time".

Its ok, its something I suppose I am fairly use to. There are likely several reasons for why the prom did not work out for me, dating back to the beginning of this year. Perhaps my approach to social functions, my lack of desire to attend could have hurt me. But if you evaluate my social group, there is little place to go and my connections with other groups basically consist of only a few people per group. Even those , some are very limited.

I had one or two people in mind to ask to the prom, then one decided to go with a friend and another is going well ,,, with an X, I think they are no longer going together anymore?

Enough bitching. My bottom line with prom is that I am not going. Instead I will be either home or observing EMS. Who knows, maybe I will be out with a few friends who are also not attending the prom. Ofcourse my family, especially my aunt wants to know what the f*** is wrong with me and why I am not going. After I find the right words to express my reasons for not going, perhaps they will lay off me a bit.

As I look forward to the summer, I see several fun events ahead including a kick ass trip. What I look forward to more is a semi-structured schedule all planned by me. It will be paradise.

Complaint Dept.

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People who read my blog , hear this :

My blog depending on your web browser may not appear correct. It may display my "about me" at the bottom of the page. You are more then likely using Internet Explorer, a poor web browser. The reason I noticed no such problem was because I use Firefox.

Firefox is a far superior, and best of all FREE web browser that properly reads a webpage. So to view my blog best and to surf the internet much better down load Mozilla Firefox.

The Link is here to view what firefox is all about and to download if you so choose. Gain the benefits of firefox today!

Firefox

Stations Day

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Today I went to the State Police Academy, competed in different events. I got 2nd place in Building Search and 3rd Place in High Stress situation.

Very good day.

Soon I will have pictures and will post them asap.

So many things to do

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Fill out job apps
Stations Day
Go to play
Mow Lawn
Cut down tree
Plant seed
Call alarm company , get guy out here
Help grandpa buy boat
Get stereo put in car
Help grandparents with architect , addition being put on soon
Help grandparents look for new house
Get a new TV at Circuit City next week
Visit College
Figure trips for summer
Get Powebook G5 when it comes out

Various Thoughts

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Tonight I went to a diabetes fundraiser type dinner. I met a friend there and we help set up. The dinner was good, but I was mostly focused on the amount of people. Seeing that many people apparently care so much for a cure of diabetes warms my heart. My mother would be so happy of my involvement, or rather what I hope to me an increased involvement over the next few months.

I am sure she herself would want to attend these types of events as they would give her a sense of " I am not alone in this" . Perhaps that's what happened to mom. She likely had the feeling of being the only one as ill as she was with diabetes.

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On a lighter note, looks like I will be going to the play tomorrow night. Yah! ? i guess . :)
Then Saturday is stations day. What fun it will be. 0730 report to HQ.

Danbury ER Shift # 2

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I just arrived home from a very busy 4-8pm shift at the Danbury ER. From over 10 EKG's to vitals to lifting a transporting pt.s I was busy. I likely went through over 40 pairs of nitrile gloves. The docs , techs, P.A, were all very nice. Though I had to undress a man drenched in his own urine, I still had a overall good time. And yes... I had the proper barrier protection on as I unclothed the man. He OD on multiple things.

These rotations often make me question why I am even attempting to enter the medical field. Tonight I did some fairly lousy things with pt.s and seen some fairly lousy things. But helping people is always a nice thing to do. To me, the knowledge in emergency medicine is worth its weight in gold especially if you are the only person around a MCI or anything for that matter that can help.

One more shift May 31st 4-8 pm. I hope I get a major trauma, not that I am wishing pain of suffering upon someone, I just hope to be around when something like that comes into the ER.

Danbury ER Shift # 1

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Today was my first Danbury ER shift, which went from 8am to 12pm. I got to see a variety of patients and problems with language barriers.

I have to say, the ER is not a place I would enjoy working. I don't know how these nurses, P.A's and Docs do it. EMS of course is a different story, much more exciting in my opinion.

I basically went around to patients with a P.A (Physicians Assistant; they can write out an Rx diagnose and treat etc). She was very nice as were all the other nurses and doctors I encountered and worked with.

I must sayDanbury ER is 100 times better then the to familiar St.Vincents ER in Bridgeport. From organization to friendly staff, Danbury blows St.V's out of the water when it comes to things like that. Though I do think St.V's is good for specific ailments etc, it just doesn't have a good system in the ER.

9:23 PM : Day Before

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It is around 9:23 pm 5/7/05, day before mothers day. I am already starting to get all stressed, panicked and overly distraught. I cant seem to hold my emotion in much longer. Tomorrow is going to be a very very rough day.

I can only hope I either stay busy enough to ignore the day or I just end not feeling the way I feel now. This day will never be the same way it was when mom was alive. She can never be replaced.

Why do I even think about tomorrow? Actually scratch that. I don't think about the day I just feel awful inside knowing the day is near but my emotions are coming from a subconscious level that I cant explain. Once I arrived home from paintball I was brought back to my reality. I sat in my mothers room for about 20 minutes reflecting, trying to stay positive. Seems that didn't work.

I think tomorrow I will go to the grave. I think I need to. Its something that I can no longer skirt around.

Tomorrow, don't call me, don't IM me , don't contact me in anyway unless its a true emergency. You play with fire you will get burned, and I am the fire tomorrow. I will do what I have to do tomorrow and then once that is done, bury myself under the sheets of my bed for the rest of the day.

Paintball

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I went paintballing with a few friends today at one of there homes. Good times. I am still in pain from the neck shot. :)

I think I may be in the market for a marker, just a 98 custom basic starter package.

DHS & Customs Helo

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Sikorsky UH-60 Blackhawk

My pilot friend sent me this via email.

Grrrrr

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My Life = Grrrrrrrrrr ... and hearing " Jesus Christ Matthew, I can't ... "

F*F* F* F* F* F* F* F*

Radio to ...

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"Radio to ( badge # stays confidential ) Respond to multiple reports of a cow in the middle of the road."

"Badge # to Radio, see if the house can acount for all there animals. "

"Radio to Badge#, roger will do "

"Radio to Badge# , continue to respond."

"Badge# to Radio , animal is wondering into a field near Snows Farm, be out looking"

GPS

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I am in the market for a handheld GPS unit. Two companies that caught my eye Magellan and Garmin both have nice products. Though I am not exactly sure what it is I am looking for, I want something I can take hiking, maybe even biking just to give me a general sense of where I am etc.

I plan to do a lot of hiking and such this warm season. I think exploring outdoors in the woods hiking several miles, there is something so relaxing about that.


The unit I am looking at sell for about 150$ is the Garmin Ledgend. On Ebay it is about $130 with carrying case w/ belt clip.

Simplify

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Over the past week or so, I realized that many different parts of my life are getting overly complicated. I am extending myself into far to many things and have this overwhelming desire to help everyone.

I now see that in my efforts to help people, I have disrupted something I vowed once not to again. With there being no way to repair anything, all I can do is simplify my course of action and my life itself.

I have to stop extending myself to far out places and stop helping those who don't accept my help.

People will do what they want, learn from the experience and move on. I can no longer be the one to stop them from doing something I don't feel is right. People are free to do what they want and I no longer will ever intervene.

So simplicity is the new name of the new game. Do what I need, not do what is not necessary. If only I knew this before.